I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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