Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
