Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
