Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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