Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
