why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just threw up on my dentist
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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