There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
