Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
