Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
