I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
