Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
