Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
