Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
