Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so that wasnt chicken after all
no, he came in my armpit
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everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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