i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
