Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
