well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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