this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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