this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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