sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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