I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
