We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's always time for handjobs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
