Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
