I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
