we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
