I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
