how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
