we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
