Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize