I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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