somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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