Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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