first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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