New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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