Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
