We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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