I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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