Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So vagazzling was a success
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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