It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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