my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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