and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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