told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
