There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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