why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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