So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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