I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
