I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
