He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
