I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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