Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
