i just had sex bonerless
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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