Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pooping to opera.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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