3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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