last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
