so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
