Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
