Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it because I queefed?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
