The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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