Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
