i just made my gag reflex go away.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
