:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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