Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
