My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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