He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
