Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
