Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
