Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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