I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
