then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize