Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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