oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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