Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
