Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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